It’s amazing how accurate people can be without realising it “your useless” “your having quite a mental breakdown” “you have to associate it with pain” all things I’ve been told during my life and only now do the pieces fit together. I am useless I feel that I have had many mental breakdowns over time and the only way I can except my continued life is if I match every joyful or calm time in my life with pain. Even then I doubt that I will be able to justify my existence but it’s worth a shot.